Well. Life Got in the Way
Oh hello stranger, it's been awhile! A year and six months but who is counting? Many things have changed over the last year - some good and others not so much (turns out pandemics aren't great- who knew?).
I know you have been desperately missing me LOL so to please the masses of adoring fans, I'm back! A bit battered and bruised from the events of the last year or so but I'm here.
I was rereading some of my previous blog posts and I figured I should probably take 2019 Raquel's advice. She sounds smart. In March of 2019 I wrote a post called "When Life Gets in the Way". I made some good points back then, but I have SOME THINGS TO SAY.
1. Life IS complicated (this is a shock to you I'm sure) and it's absolutely okay to feel the loss of The Plan. We think if we have a plan, and just do it, then things will work out. Turns out, life doesn't give a fuck about your plans!
2. I have definitely felt the guilt and anguish over not following through on my plans or giving it my best. Throughout my life I have always strived to be consistent in my values and when I say I will do something - put money on it, because it's happening.
But when things outside of my control happen, guilt kicks in and paralyzes me to inaction. I'm distracted and my focus shifts away from my plan.
3. And then the negative self talk rears its ugly head. "Maybe you can't do it", or "you've been away for so long, can you even get back into it?" And the worst "was I even any good?". It all happens so insidiously until so much time has passed that you start to think that negative part of you was right all along.
Turns out, I'm not always right! LOL
NOTHING is perfect and almost nothing in this life goes according to plan. That's not to say things can't be great! Amazing things can happen when you can accept that life is what it is.
It's messy, but exciting.
It can be boring, but also fun?
It can feel like it's flying by but also like time is standing still.
It can be happy and sad all at once.
I've have found that becoming comfortable with the idea that both the "good" and "bad" can coexist simultaneously - that the dichotomy of life is what MAKES life amazing - can be a peaceful realization. We don't have to lose ourselves and question our purpose when we can accept this.
You and me are quite literally a sac of cells that by some miracle of evolution have achieved some kind of consciousness. I am giving myself the grace and kindness to just take life as it comes and do my best with what I know at the time. And I extend that to all of you.
With all that said, welcome back! I'm glad you're here.
Exciting (and boring) things to come for us all!